I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
