I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
