I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
