Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
