for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
