I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
