Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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