I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
