New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
