Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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