I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
