if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
