We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
