If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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