Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
