she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
