I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
