the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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