No awkward lesbian experiences without me
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
