im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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