youre lurking in front of me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just gift wrapped bread.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
