Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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