We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize