Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
