He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
