So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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