im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
