i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
