Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
