I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
