I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
