I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
