he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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