Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
