How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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