Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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