i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
