worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
