eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
