My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
