Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
