Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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