It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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