so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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