Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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