He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
