3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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