Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
