so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize