I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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