this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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