Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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