did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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