When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
