shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
