dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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