..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
