Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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