she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Mom said you looked used
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
