you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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