I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
