If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
