I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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