note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
