life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Randomize
