dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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