if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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