nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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