I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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