My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
