I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
