I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
