You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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