The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
