I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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