I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
not ubering you a puppy
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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