He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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